On the ladder
by Kaito-neechan
Summary: She was finally on the same level as him.
1. On the ladder

AN: I wasn't going to post more fics but the idea of this one had been bugging me for quite a while now, even at work and that was a real pest. Had to take it out of my brain. Also, the comments I received on **You're the one thing** encouraged me, so special thanks to my reviewers =3 I also did a small fanart for it, the link for which you'll find in my Author's Notes in the end of **You're the one thing**.

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It was time to remove the Christmas decorations. In fact she was almost done now, only Matsunaga-san's room was left.

Matsunaga himself hadn't thought it was necessary to decorate his own room, since he barely used it anymore, being around the kids all the time, but Shiharu insisted they had to. For the sake of the Christmas spirit. The twins had fun putting garlands all over the place too, so it was a way to put their energy (which was way too much anyway) into a good use.

As she was setting up the ladder, Shiharu thought that they might've overdone it a bit with all the decorations. She was all warmed up and her face flushed from all the work she'd done. She climbed the ladder and took off the garlands hanging off the ceiling. That's when she heard the door click and a voice announced it was home. In a minute its owner popped up on the door.

"Hello, Nakamura-san, I'm back" Matsunaga Seiji said once again, with an unusually bright smile. Well, he WAS home earlier than usual, that must be a reason enough to be happy.

"Ah, Matsunaga-san" Shiharu smiled back. "Welcome home."

"Do you need help with that?" he asked, stepping into the room. For some reason the sight of Shiharu on a ladder was worrying him.

"No, thank you. I'm almost done here." She replied as she started climbing down.

Matsunaga was casually standing nearby, pretending to be interested in the garlands on the floor, when he was in fact watching her steps. He had a bad feeling…

One stave, two staves down… Three… Only two left and she'd be safe on the ground.

That's when Shiharu stumbled.

"AH!" she exclaimed, stretching hands in an unavailing attempt not to fall. Instead, her body twisted and she flew head first into the floor.

Or would have if Seiji wasn't there to hold her by the waist and thus helping her maintain her balance.

'I just *knew* this would happen…' he thought without a single trace of surprise. "You should pay more attention…" he told her with a sigh.

"I… am sorry…" she said with a helpless, hopeless and embarrassed expression on her face. "I'm so clumsy…"

Shiharu sighed too and opened her eyes. Matsunaga-san was still holding her by the waist, as if he believed she'd stumble again if he let her go. He was glancing somewhere sideways and she couldn't help but use the opportunity to look at him from above. He was pretty tall so she always had to lift up her head to look him in the face but this time she was on the ladder and it made a whole lot of a difference to see him from this point of view. She liked it.

It was like…

She was finally on the same level as him.

The single thought sent the blood rushing to her cheeks. Good thing she was already red from all the work earlier so he wouldn't notice… or so Shiharu hoped…

Or did she really?

She was actually hoping he *would* notice, wasn't she?

Notice and hug her and tell her everything's fine, that he loves her too and they'll be together forever…

'Ah, that's bad…' Shiharu thought. Her feelings were threatening to overflow again. She had to remind herself once again that this dream she had once in a while just couldn't happen. It couldn't because… because… ah!

There was sudden movement and she realized Matsunaga-san was taking her off the ladder and putting her on the ground.

Effortlessly.

As if she was a child.

And she was once again off his level.

From his point of view, she was safe down there. Not that she couldn't stumble on the ground as well. Oh, god knew she could stumble anywhere, anytime. But falling off a ladder was more dangerous. In Seiji's mind it was that simple.

Shiharu on the other hand was… upset. In the end she was just a child, wasn't she? And he was already a mature man. He probably didn't even see her as a woman. Never had. The thought stung her heart. Then suddenly she was filled with anger towards him. Toward his good and mild personality. Towards the morals he had, towards the job he had, towards all the restrictions he'd put on his own view towards her. He even took extra care and told the neighbours she was his cousin.

…wait. What was wrong with her. Did she *want* the neighbours to misunderstand?

She shook her head vigorously. Her thoughts weren't making any sense…

Seiji was looking at her with concern. Was she okay…? She had changed her expression multiple times in the last 30 seconds – from frustration to wrinkling her eyebrows, seemingly angry, to confusion, disappoint, sadness, despair, shaking head…?

And all the while she was squeezing his arms without thinking, loosening the grip and tightening it again.

"Nakamura-san?" he said. "Are you feeling unwell?"

She looked up at him, startled by his voice.

Looked up.

And a child she was, she realized sadly. A spoiled one at that. These selfish feelings, she had no right to have them. She had given up her love towards Matsunaga-san a long time ago already. She had decided not to fight for him, not ever to confess… and yet she was making such a fuss on her own. It was not like her. Not to mention she knew the thoughts she'd just had weren't true.

_Looked up._

Why was it that she was becoming so touchy when it came to Matsunaga-san? Did being in love change you like that? Making you feel anger and jealousy towards the one you love so much? Wasn't it supposed to be a good, happy feeling?

_Looked *up*._

"I… I'm fi…" she started but couldn't finish.

_She had to look up once again. Now and forever._

Was she really fine? After being on the same level as him for once, could she bear to stay the child forever?

She suddenly felt the urge to climb on the ladder again. Maybe if she did, she'd be able to let him go again?

It was a hopeless idea but it was worth the try?

So she did. Saying she forgot something (on the ladder? She was going to come up with an excuse later), she hastily reached for the ladder and jumped one step up, two steps,…

And she slipped again.

Surprised and not understanding what was going on, all Matsunaga-san could do was grab her in the middle of her flight once again.

This time with the speed Shiharu was about to fall with, it wasn't a simple Catch-you-by-the-waist anymore, he had to wrap his arms around her small body, just like she had instinctively wrapped hers around his neck. It was a hug-like catch and in fact the man too, was this close to slipping and crashing down on his back with the girl in his hands.

For a while neither let go.

Last time they hugged was several months ago when Shiharu had broken her cup. She had cried, saying she was like the places she belonged were disappearing one after the other. Seiji had embraced her without thinking.

He just stopped thinking straight when she was in his arms, he realized.

Even now he was about to say things he didn't expect he'd be saying out loud…

"Truth is, I'm scared too, just as you are. I'm scared that when the children are gone from this house, you'll disappear from my life as well." he said quietly as he squeezed her tighter.

Shiharu's eyes widened so much that tears threatened to flow out. He'd said similar things before too, but this time his words carried a much more straightforward message. Or was it her imagination? It wasn't, was it?

She pulled back slightly, just to look at his face and make sure she wasn't hearing things. It told her she wasn't.

"…Matsunaga-san…" she said weakly, almost trembling and her heart ready to burst any second now. "…I wouldn't be able leave you even if you begged me to…"

He looked straight into her eyes. Her breath tickled his skin, her words tickled his heart. He closed his eyes and kissed her softly.

He planted several kisses on her lips in the same manner, each being longer than the previous and just as soft. She was returning the kisses, a bit shyly at first. So he kept kissing her until she started to melt in his arms, then he pulled back for a short intake of air, a really short one because Shiharu didn't allow him a longer one and then he didn't know anything anymore.

She didn't either.

Her world had only him in it that one moment. Nothing else existed, nothing else mattered.

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AN: Do you want a second chapter? =3  
Say "yes" and you'll get another fanart.


	2. Off the ladder

_Ah, people review so little! I can see many people have viewed the fic, so why so few comments? Feedback is always nice and guests can review too, so do let me know what you think! ^^_

_Since you all said "YESSSSSSSSSS", you'll find the fanart at the bottom of this page. =3  
_

_To **Guest**, who said I have a deep understanding of the characters: I try, I try. =D But as much as I imagine all kinds of romance between Seiji and Shiharu, when I actually started writing a fic, I... You have NO idea how hard it was to make them TOUCH. Let alone KISS! Because Seiji is always so careful and Shiharu is so young... It was hard keeping them in-character. But I'm taking it a step further in this chapter, nyeh hyeh hyeh...  
_

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**_Chapter 2_**

A few hours later Matsunaga Seiji felt a light squeeze on his right hand so he tried to move it a bit. It didn't go very far though and this made him open an eye. What he saw made him open both eyes.

And he opened them very, very wide. His mouth followed the example and he just gaped in shock.

His first instinct was to turn around and see if there really was a mess of clothes down on the floor, but he didn't do it. First, because he knew it was there, since he was butt-naked under the bed sheets. And second, because it would wake up Shiharu who was clutching his hand (which he had put on her thigh!), laying just as butt-naked on his left, right next to him.

He shifted unintentionally in his panic, the hand he had on her left thigh slipped a bit and that was what woke Shiharu up. He hicked when he heard her mumble/moan and forgot to breathe while watching her rub an eye.

"Matsunaga-san…?" said Shiharu looking at him sleepily.

With the back of her hazy mind, she noticed something was off though. Matsunaga-san was laying somewhat close to her. A bit too close than usual. And he didn't seem to be wearing any clothes. And his face had this panicked expression... Did something happen while she was asleep? Wait, that was funny, she wasn't wearing any clothes either.

And that's when she understood the situation.

Fully awake all of a sudden, she instinctively grabbed the blanket pulling it to her to cover her body and at the same time she backed off as much as possible, her back hitting the wall a little too quickly for her liking. Now caught between the wall and the man and with nowhere to run, she tried to think and put her mind in order. She was getting rid of the Christmas decorations, and then Matsunaga-san came home, and then, and then-

She noticed Matsunaga-san slid off and hid her embarrassed face in the blanket. There was shuffling of clothes, the door creaked and she was left alone and madly blushing in the young man's bed.

Seiji walked into the kitchen and reached for the knife. Then he changed his mind.

Forget the self punishment, not even suicide was going to make things right anymore.

He ran fingers through his hair. It was a mistake. It was a stupid mistake he shouldn't have made. And he had avoided making it for such a long time! So why now...!

The door creaked behind him. He turned around to see Shiharu stepping quietly into the kitchen. She had all her clothes on, thank god, but it didn't stop Seiji from remembering every little detail from her body, her warm skin and… all the rest… The memories caused him to freeze for a second and he shook head.

It was a mistake, he reminded himself. And he had to tell her this. But he didn't know _what_ to say. He didn't know _how_ to say it either.

And he didn't _want_ to say it. He just wanted to have her in his arms again.

Torn apart between the feelings he had and the fact it was wrong to have them towards a girl 9 years younger, he took a breath, gathered his courage and opened his mouth to speak.

Shiharu was observing him quietly. Pain was gripping her chest and with every minute that had passed, the pain grew bigger and gripped tighter. With every minute hope was draining away from her heart, leaving only emptiness… And every minute felt like an eternity.

And yet she didn't want him to say anything. Because she knew what it was going to be anyway… Knowing something was ending before it'd even begun… It was a scary feeling…

"I'm sorry, Nakamura-san," Seiji's voice broke the silence along with her heart. "I went... too far. What happened earlier... it shouldn't have—"

"I- I understand." Shiharu said in shaky voice, clenching her hand in a fist hoping this would give her strength to fight back the tears. "I was about to- to say the same... So you don't have to say anymore…" the nails were jabbing her palm. It hurt. "It's also my fault, I knew it was impossible from the start for us to- I- I- I'll go now, it's getting late... and... uh… Goodbye."

Shiharu turned around, grabbed her bag and hurried out.

Seiji sat on the chair and buried face into his palms. Why did it have to turn out that way…

But she said she knew a relationship between them was impossible… That meant she considered it too, didn't it. She also had feelings for him...

_Oh, god, I want to keep her...__ I'll wait for her to grow up but __please __don't let her leave my life…_

He heard the front door click and the sound triggered something in him. The man jumped and rushed for the door.

Shiharu closed the door. Its click echoed in her ears. It had never sounded so sad and lonely to her before. She sighed and put the key into the lock but didn't turn it, but just stared at it. It felt like if she locked the door, she'd never be able to come back to this house anymore.

"Don't be stupid, I'm still a babysitter." She muttered to herself and clenched the key. "It'll be awkward though."

Shiharu was standing still, her eyes were still like hypnotized by the key without actually seeing it. She slept with a man for the first time… She'd heard it hurt the first time, that you often bleed, but she was fine… She had checked the bed sheets too, it was like nothing had happened. But it did, she remembered, and she remembered it well now, and all she could see in her mind was their little moment. Seiji's kisses that never ceased for more than half a minute, and his hands didn't let her go either.

She shivered at the memory and closed her eyes.

_I want to feel that happiness again… _Shiharu thought. A single tear broke out and rolled down her cheek. Startled by it she blinked to make the other tears go away. It wasn't time to cry now! She grabbed the handle and pushed the door open. Jumping inside, she knocked herself into Seiji who was about to jump _out_.

"Nakamura-san!" he exclaimed, caught by surprise. He'd thought that she was already 5 blocks away!

She wasn't expecting him either but there was no stopping anymore.

"Matsunaga-san!" she shouted, grabbing him by the shirt. "It's impossible after all, I just can't-"

"I love you!" he blurted out.

That silenced her and her cheeks coloured pink.

"I love you too, Matsunaga-san." Shiharu finally said and added pleadingly "Please don't tell me to go away."

"I won't." Seiji said softly, embracing her.

Shiharu snuggled and smiled into his chest.

She would always have to lift her head up to see his face... but it didn't really matter anymore...

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_AN: Fanart, right? As promised. Paste the following in bold into your address bar, without the spaces ( deletes some of the symbols if I write the whole thing like a normal link)_

_**kaito-neechan. deviantart . com**_

_**/art/ Love-So-Life-351135807**_


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